Giving and Receiving Gifts

I consider it a part of my responsibility as an ESL tutor to address cultural issues and especially cultural differences that enable my ESL students to understand "American culture" a little better. As most of my ESL students are very advanced, I don't often make culture the main topic of any lesson. Of course, it invariably comes up. There isn't really any way to avoid it! The student usually brings the topic to class.

The depth of our discussion about culture depends on the topic and the interest of the English language learner. I'm often able to explain the origin of many aspects of "American culture," the "why" of what we do, and a bit of history about the custom. To further our conversation practice, I also elicit information about the customs in the student's home culture.

Last week, a student stumped me by asking me the "why" of something we Americans do. She wanted to know why we often ask when receiving a present, "Should I open it now?" First, I was able to confirm that, yes, we usually do ask this question. However, the "why" of it was something I couldn't definitively answer. I speculated that it has something to do with economics and embarrassment. That the receiver of a gift doesn't want the giver to feel embarrassed about the cost of the gift, whether it is a costly or an inexpensive gift.

I'd love to hear some suggestions from other people familiar with American culture as to why we ask, "Should I open it now or later?" And I also welcome non-Americans to share their customs around receiving gifts in their home countries.

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Happy St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day is one of many holidays celebrated in the United States. I have to admit that this is not one of the holidays about which I know much. What I do know is probably part myth, part reality, and part childhood pranks.

As a tutor teaching ESL to adults, I am often able to use holidays as conversation topics. I can also use some holidays to discuss certain aspects of American history and culture. Of course, this has me doing most of the talking.

The best holidays are those that are also celebrated in my students' home countries or those American holidays that are similar to those celebrated in their home countries. This gives the English language learner an opportunity to talk about a subject with which they are familiar.

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ESL and Tone of Voice

One of the things I bring up with my adult ESL students is "tone." The words that we actually use when we communicate with someone in person only make up a small percentage of what we communicate. Body language and the tone of voice we use can be much more revealing. In fact, I believe I've read that body language actually makes up something like 90% of what we communicate (I think the percentage is smaller, but it is something near this).

Our tone can also convey what we truly mean. If I scream, "I'll do it," to someone who asks a favor, the listener probably will think that I am angry and don't really want to do "it." Or "I'll do it," in the proper tone can convey a true willingness to do something.

The same goes for questions. The tone of a question can convey many different feelings or thoughts. For example, if I yell, "Who did this?," probably no one will want to "take credit." If I say it in a very appreciative tone, the doer will probably get the impression that the thing he or she did is appreciated.

Tone is very important in our communications and can convey our true feelings. Different cultures have different "tones." As ESL teachers and tutors, we may want to make sure that the tone our students use truly conveys what he or she intends.

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Halloween Jokes for ESL Students

I have a list of silly Halloween jokes. Since I teach ESL to adults, this list of Halloween jokes is not usually an integral part of any of my lessons. However, if we have time during our lesson, and if the moment seems right, I pull out the list.

The great thing about some jokes is that they provide an opportunity to introduce new vocabulary, idioms and slang. For example, one of the jokes is:

Q. Why shouldn't witches lose their tempers?
A. Because they will fly off the handle.

Here's an opportunity to teach my ESL students two new ways to talk about someone becoming very angry:

(1) to lose one's temper,
(2) to fly off the handle

Another joke:

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

This allowed me to teach two new vocabulary words to most of my ESL students: (1) frost, and (2) frostbite.

Humor is one of the more difficult things for English language learners to understand. So much of our humor is based on cultural references and wordplay. It's a great way to teach vocabulary and, also, for an ESL student to know that he or she is really making progress (at least in some areas).

Of course, humor is subjective. Even if someone understands everything about the joke, he or she may still not think it's funny. That's another story...

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Just Another Ethnocentric American

I was helping to prepare one of my ESL students for the Cambridge Advanced English exam today. We were practicing for the speaking part. One of my American ethnocentricities came out when I commented about things being more safe in the world prior to 9/11.

She reminded me of all the wars and other difficulties occurring in the world pre-9/11. She commented that she hears the idea that the world is now less safe from many Americans.

One of the great things I get from working with ESL students from around the world is a reminder that even though I think my ideas are not "typically American," I am still a product of my culture and its influences.

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"Small Talks" and ESL Learners

One of the most common errors I hear my adult ESL students make is referring to small talk as "small talks," with an "s". Small talk never takes an "s" at the end. It's already a plural (compound) noun.

This is probably the easiest thing that I can offer my ESL students about small talk. I can also offer some basic topics for small talk (weather, traffic, food, sports, etc.). For more advanced ESL learners, the topic can get a little more complicated.

After English language learners master the simple small talk topics, they often want to go beyond the basics. I feel that this is often where cultural differences and even political correctness can come into play.

Thanks to my previous lengthy work and life experiences, helping students to maneuver the topic of small talk through these more complex pathways is one of the things that I feel I'm able to offer my students.

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Teaching Small Talk to ESL Students

I've mentioned before that some of my advanced ESL students have asked me about making "small talk." Most want to learn about it so that they can use it at work, especially. Every now and then, I take it upon myself to bring up the issue to my students even if they haven't asked me about it.

I always greet my students with the typical, "How are you?" Every now and then, I get a student who gives a very long answer. Well, as most Americans (and others) know, this question is really a form of greeting. The typical response should be something like, "Fine, thank you. And you?"

This doesn't necessarily mean that Americans are insincere. It's just that the initial "How are you?" should be thought of more as a traditional greeting, rather then a real request for information, or even genuine concern. We may follow up with a more genuine question like, "How are you, really?" if we are closer to the person.

If my ESL students aren't aware of this social skill, then they may turn off others when they are really trying to be polite and genuine. So I think it's a useful thing to teach.

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ESL Students and Political Correctness

As a private ESL tutor of adults, I feel that it's part of my responsibility to my students to answer questions and offer suggestions related to culturally appropriate expressions and terminology. This includes "political correctness." These things aren't usually part of my formal lesson plans. I just address them when they come up.

Politically correct expressions were part of one of my ESL lessons today with one of my advanced ESL students. We were specifically looking at the word "chick" when referring to girls and women. The first step here was to discuss what "politically correct" means and its abbreviation "P.C." We then talked about literal and slang definitions of the word "chick"; and we talked about the context in which my student heard this word being used.

When I have a particularly advanced ESL student, I may spend some time going over the history or background of a particular term or expression or word. The trick here is to remember that most of my students want to improve their speaking skills, so I have to not do too much of the talking!

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ESL Speakers and Understanding Humor

One of the more difficult things for ESL speakers to master is humor. Aspects of the English language (or any language, for that matter) that make humor difficult include: different definitions for the same word, different stress on a word can make the meaning different, vocabulary limitation, grammar tenses, etc. Just about all the things that an ESL student must learn to read, write, speak and understand English are necessary for ESL learners to, for example, understand a joke told in English.

However, in addition to the language itself, there are also cultural references that the ESL student must know and understand to be able to understand a joke or other humor.

When an ESL speaker does finally start to understand humor in English, then he or she will know that he or she is making progress.

Of course, I'm not addressing the fact that different people, even speakers of the same language and from the same culture, just may not agree about what is funny.

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Tipping Etiquette for ESL Students

One of the cultural differences that many of my ESL students have to deal with in the U.S. is the concept of "tipping." "Tipping" is when you pay a service worker (waiter, waitress, parking valet, doorman, haircutter, etc.) an amount above the regular cost of the service they perform. The most common tipping scenario for most people is tipping a server (waiter or waitress) at a restaurant. The standard tip amount for servers is 15 to 20%.

Apparently, in some countries, like Korea, food servers are not tipped. The gratuity (another word for "tip") is included in the cost of the food. I suppose servers in other countries may be paid more than the servers in the U.S.

Americans are very, very familiar with the custom of tipping in restaurants. We learn this in childhood from observing our parents in restaurants.

Some of my ESL students accept this custom and "when in Rome..." I had one ESL student who was in the U.S. for over a year and he still only grudgingly paid tips.

The topic of tipping comes up for me today because I am expecting a furniture delivery any minute. As furniture deliveries are not frequent in my life, I am unsure of the proper etiquette for tipping, or even if a tip is expected. So I searched online.

Apparently, Americans (or at least those who write online) are divided on the issue. Some say you should tip, others say it's not expected. I still haven't figured out the final word; and the amount to tip is even more a mystery. I guess I'll wait and see how the delivery goes and make my decision then.

As an ESL tutor, I don't think I'll be able to answer this question very well if it ever comes up. Apparently this "cultural difference" is even different in my culture!

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Drinking Among ESL Students

The other day I wrote about teaching the expression, "I don't drink," to ESL students. Currently, I'm learning from my students about drinking (and I mean drinking alcohol).

I have a few ESL students who are visiting scholars, post-docs and PhD students. Since school is recently back in session at my local university, one of the topics that has come up a lot lately is drinking and getting a little tipsy, if not downright drunk.

One ESL student told me about a recent birthday party she went to for one of the Korean students in one of her classes. All the party-goers were Asian (Koreans, Chinese and Japanese). She commented to me that they were all communicating in English with one another. And they were a little drunk. She talked about how easy it seemed to speak English and how they all communicated so well!

I'm not encouraging getting drunk to improve your English, but it does reinforce to me how improved English language skills are often a result of self-confidence, and bravery. Drinking allowed my student to feel more at ease and not worry about making mistakes (she usually worries about her English-speaking skills even when with other ESL speakers).

Working with a private ESL tutor allows students to build that self-confidence in a more lasting way. And without a hangover!

Learning Vocabulary from Television

I often encourage my ESL students to watch television. Although watching TV is usually a mind-numbing process, for English language learners, it's another way to practice English listening skills. It also (for better or worse) teaches about American culture. Sitcoms are particularly useful for learning new vocabulary and idioms. TV news can also be useful, although most of my ESL students tell me that they have trouble understanding TV news. The stories are often out of context so the English learner cannot use the context to understand what's going on.

I was just watching a Sunday national news program. One of the stories was about adults who take care of their aging parents. One of the lines in the story was, "She took care of her aging parents until they both passed." Although an English language learner could probably figure out what this sentence means, it was interesting to me that the reporter said "passed" instead of "passed away." "To pass away" is the more common euphemism to talk about death; yet, any native English speaker would have no trouble understanding this sentence. I wondered if a non-native speaker would completely understand.

Incidentally, I looked up "pass" on dictionary.com. Without using "pass" as part of a phrasal verb, there were 75 definitions! Seventy-five definitions for the word "pass!" How's a person supposed to learn English?!

Teaching Gestures to ESL Students

No matter what country you are from, and whatever language is spoken in your country, there are unique physical gestures that are familiar to almost everyone in the country. Although some gestures cross borders, others do not. In fact, simple hand gestures may have very different meanings in different countries.

Awhile back, I was on a train with an American friend and an Iranian friend. The train was nearly full and we had difficulty finding three seats together. My American friend was at the other end of the train. My Iranian friend used a hand gesture to tell her to come to us. My American friend smiled and waved at her. I then gestured to my American friend and she came to us right away. We were both using “come here” gestures, but my gesture worked for Americans and hers worked for Iranians.

While gestures may not need a lot of time in the in the ESL classroom, I believe that they are a part of an ESL teacher’s responsibility to bring to the attention of ESL learners. One way to do this in an ESL classroom is to ask students to show, for example, how they would ask someone to come to them using physical gestures. Then the teacher can show how it’s done in the English-speaking country that they are in. Of course, this is only a small bit of a lesson. The main point is that gestures are a part of effective cultural communication.

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Teaching ESL Students “Air Quotes”

You know. When we take our first finger and middle finger of each hand and drawing the quotes in the air when we say certain words or phrases. It’s easy enough to show your ESL student how to do this, but describing when to use them is more difficult. At least it was for me with a student yesterday.

According to Wikipedia, air quotes are used “express satire, sarcasm, irony or euphemism.” I think this definition will help when I go back to my ESL student today and further try to define this concept to him.

I haven’t found air quotes in any ESL curriculum or lesson plans, but I think if it comes up in the classroom, it is a teacher’s responsibility to teach these little cultural “gems.” Knowing such things helps to enhance a student's communication and speaking skills.

Does anyone remember the Friends episode where Joey kept using air quotes incorrectly? Finally, by the end of the show, he was able to use them correctly.

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Teaching “How are you?” to ESL Students

Teaching common greetings to ESL student is one of the tasks of an ESL teacher. However, teaching cultural differences is also part of the job description.

Let’s look at the greeting, “How are you?” I’ve found that some of my private ESL students will respond to this question in great detail about how they are currently feeling. It doesn’t seem to matter if they are beginners, intermediate or advanced ESL speakers. Many students don’t know that the socially correct response to this question is, “Fine, thank you. And you?” or some other short variation.

As an ESL tutor, it’s part of my responsibility to make students aware of the culturally appropriate response. However, it should also be done with sensitivity. After all, as ESL teachers we are always encouraging our students to speak and practice their English. In this case, we are telling them to not speak so much. We have to find a balance all around.

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Cultural Differences: It's the Cops!

One of the wonderful things about being a private English as a Second Language tutor is that I get to travel vicariously. I get to learn about other cultures from my students. The most recent cultural difference I learned about is between American and Japananese police officers.

I have a Japanese conversation student. He and his wife and child are in the U.S. for a year. I recommended my favorite bakery to him. He came back and told me about the experience. He loved the desserts (of course), but he was surprised to see police officers in the bakery buying coffee.

Apparently, in Japan, the police officers must take off, or cover, their uniforms when they take a lunch break. And it’s unheard of for them to stop at a coffee shop and buy coffee while they are on duty.

This seems like such a small cultural difference compared to the others I’ve learned about through my actual travels and my vicarious travels. And yet, it is so pervasive. In the U.S., we just take it for granted when we see cops at coffee shops, restaurants, etc. In fact, the connection between police officers and donut shops is even a part of our cultural humor! In Japan, a cop having a donut and coffee at a donut shop would be as strange as seeing a Martian in the donut shop.

Job Interview Skills for ESL Speakers

The job interview process in the U.S. is familiar to most American adults. We know we usually need to provide a resume and a cover letter when applying for a new job. We know that there are certain questions that we will probably be asked during a job interview ("tell me about yourself," "how do you deal with conflict," "what do you bring to the job that other candidates do not," etc.) However, this whole process is foreign to many people from other parts of the world. Fortunately, many of these questions can be prepared for and rehearsed by job applicants by studying information from such sites as monster.com. They have a great list of job interview questions and other pointers for job seekers.

Speakers of English as a Second Language have additional challenges to overcome when they are competing in the U.S. job market. Grammar problems, properly using modals, vocabulary limitations, pronunciation challenges, cultural differences, Visa issues, etc. These issues make it even more important that non-native English speakers thoroughly prepare for job interviews.

I usually send links to my students with information about the questions they should prepare for. They then work on the answers on their own time and we practice the answers during our tutoring session. Non-Americans often seem to have a tougher time tooting their own horns, so I often have to pull out more details for the answers so that the job seeker will shine in their interview. Of course, we also work on grammar, word choice, and other ESL issues for the interviews.

I'm currently working with a research physician from an Eastern European country. In her country, competition for positions is less and far less preparation is needed for a job interview. This whole process is new to her. Tonight, we worked on a few of the typical questions asked by most employers.